BRING ON THE RAIN

SO...

Anyone who knows me, knows I suffer from depression.

Life has thrown a lot at me and I have barely survived. I am not very strong or optimistic.

I am...working on it.


I have been extremely exhausted and losing a lot of blood. I went in to the doctor to see what is going on and why I don't feel good or have any energy. He told me he didn't think it was my heart, but rather the warfarin(rat poison) that has been really hard to control lately.

You would think by now that I would be used to it, but it is causing some problems. Bruises show up everywhere and I look like Alisha does when she has low platelets.

They ran some tests and found me to be extremely low in iron. So I have researched this. My mom and Amber are anemic, but I never really paid attention due to me being healthy. The symptoms matched up perfectly, but worried me. Iron deficiency can cause problems with your heart. I certainly don't need any more of that.

I got really worried about it causing my heart to enlarge again and go down in work efficiency. I can't handle that right now. My family (especially Danny) makes me feel guilty for napping or what I don't get done around the house. It makes me feel like such a failure and so misunderstood. I don't want to be this person who is tired and in pain. I don't want to have these serious health problems at a young age, but I do. I didn't do anything wrong, it just happened. And is hereditary and tests can't tell you whether you will have it or not.You just have to have your heart checked periodically. A medical mystery. Yay me and my children and their children! Not!

I also am NOT going to let people get to me. I will stand up and show that I will not tolerate that kind of treatment. I could walk away, but I am in the keep fighting mood and they will not bring me down.

I have to keep fighting to survive in all aspects of my life.

I know it takes a lot of time to recover and, even though I have shown such miraculous recovery, that I would have hard times and sickness and anxiety would wipe me out and could reverse the good that has been done.

A friend of mine said, "Poor girl, you just can't catch a break."

So I wanted to let people know how I am doing today.
I have always loved this song...Yes ANOTHER song!


Bring on the rain by Jo Dee Messina.

Another day has almost come and gone 
Can't imagine what else could go wrong  
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door  
A single battle lost but not the war
 
'Cause, tomorrow's another day 
And I'm thirsty anyway  
So bring on the rain
 
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round 
A couple drops and they all start coming down  
Yeah, I might feel defeated and I might hang my head 
I might be barely breathing but I'm not dead, no
 
'Cause, tomorrow's another day  
And I'm thirsty anyway  
 So bring on the rain, ooh
 
I'm not gonna let it get me down I'm not gonna cry 
 And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight
 
'Cause, tomorrow's another day  
And I'm thirsty anyway  
So bring on the rain
 
'Cause, tomorrow's another day 
And I'm thirsty anyway  
So bring on the rain, ooh
 
Bring on, bring on the rain
 
No I'm not gonna let it get me down  
I'm not gonna cry  

So bring on the rain, ooh 
Bring on, bring on the rain  
Bring on the rain  
Bring on the rain, ooh