Thursday, February 28, 2013

POISON?

Sweet clover is an herb. The flowering branches and leaves are used to make Warfarin (Coumadin), a anticoagulant that I take to keep me from having another stroke.

Coumarin is now known to be present in many plants, and produces the lovely sweet smell of freshly cut grass or hay and plants like sweet grass; in fact, the plant's high content of coumarin is responsible for the original common name of "sweet clover", which is named for its sweet smell, not its bitter taste. They are present notably in woodruff and at lower levels in licorice, lavender, and various other species. However, coumarins themselves do not influence clotting or warfarin-like action, but must first be metabolized by various fungi into compounds such as 4-hydroxycoumarin, then further (in the presence of naturally occurring formaldehyde) into dicoumarol, in order to have any anticoagulant properties. Warfarin is a synthetic derivative of dicoumarol, a 4-hydroxycoumarin-derived mycotoxin anticoagulant originally discovered in spoiled sweet clover-based animal feeds

GROSS. Did you see the words fungi and formaldehyde? Why am I taking this?

In 1948 it was used as a pesticide against rats and mice and is still used for that, but the rats have built up a tolerance to it so they use other pesticides. It would cause the pests (oh I HATE mice) to bleed to death. Usually internally from some sort of illness. What a horrible thing to do. (Don't worry, I still HATE mice.)

International normalized ratio (INR) is a test they do to check how quickly the blood clots so they can manage my dosage of Warfarin. They poke my finger and let a drop fall onto a little circle on the machine, it has to be just right or it won't work. Depending on the nurse, I usually have to have my finger poked over and over. I would rather have blood drawn than my finger poked. :( 

The foods that interact with it: Ginger, garlic and vitamin K1- (Green vegetables). I can have a little but not a lot. I like my green veggies and garlic.

After an incident in 1951, where a US Army inductee unsuccessfully attempted suicide with multiple doses of warfarin in rodenticide and recovered fully after going to a hospital, and being treated with vitamin K (by then known as a specific antidote) studies began in the use of warfarin as a therapeutic anticoagulant. It was found to be generally superior to dicoumarol, and in 1954 was approved for medical use in humans. An early recipient of warfarin was US president Dwight Eisenhower, who was prescribed the drug after having a heart attack in 1955.

A theory published in 2003 posts that Lavrenty Beria, Nikita Khrushchev and others conspired to use warfarin to poison the Soviet leader Joseph Stalin. Warfarin is tasteless and colorless, and produces symptoms similar to those that Stalin exhibited.

I really, really don't want to have another stroke, but I really, really wish I didn't have to take this mean stupid drug that prevents me from taking other medications like asprin and ibuprofin, most antibiotics(Oh, I can't get control of my bladder infections and they keep ending up kidney infections too.)  

I am such a complainer and no one cares about my meds, but I thought I would educate people on this anyways. 

Oh...

And I would be nice or I could poison you. whahahha.

I'm sure you wouldn't mind a death that involves bleeding to death?

Monday, February 25, 2013

All around me...

"All Around Me"
by Flyleaf

 My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm still alive, I'm still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm still alive
I'm still alive
We're still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

So I cry
(Holy)
The light is white
(Holy)
And I see you
Only you

I'm alive
I'm still alive
I'm still alive

And I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Learning New Tricks...

Skyler was so excited to go and learn some new stuff at TNT.

He is so amazing!

MVHS Cheer Pics...


Skyler and Julio.
The Seniors!
 

Maddy's mom is the photographer. That is why she is in so many pictures. 
Skyler also took her to Homecoming.
 They are just friends.


The official Senior picture.









hahaha.


Saturday, February 23, 2013

Angels among us...

Therapy has been pretty good so far. My cardiologist Dr. Packer, therapist Dr. Williams and family doctor Shawn Gibbs worked together to get my insurance to pay for a better anxiety/depression medicine. It costs a lot, but we are hopeful that this one will work and keep my heart from being distressed by simply being me.
I am finding music to be a huge part of my therapy. Through music we can empathize and relate to other people and express our sadness, love, happiness, anger and being stronger for ourselves.


I loved playing the piano and flute. I felt my soul being lighter and brighter.


Same with dance. That is my true passion. When dancing I don't think, my body just moves with every note and beat.


I may look stupid, but it is a life force....

 All the elements coming together through self expression. All the tension, sadness and worries replaced by peace, joy and creativity.


I am saddened by schools getting rid of the arts and music in schools. I read about The Sarah McLachlan School of Music which provides music education to underserved and at-risk youth at no cost. The school is dedicated to helping young people build community and find their voice. A therapy source.

She says "When I was growing up, we had music in our schools. It was a given. These days many of these programs are not available. I don’t know what I would have done without music in my life when I was growing up. I was unpopular and picked on, but for me, music was my refuge and solace – the one thing I knew I was good at; it fed me and kept me going.”
- Sarah McLachlan

When Sarah McLachlan asked herself what music had given her, she realized that music had taught her that she was good enough, that she had something to offer. This feeling of pride and self worth was paramount to her growing up. Music gave her the tools she needed to make it through the challenges she faced in life. The thought that there were children who might not experience the joy that music brings seemed unacceptable to her. She decided that she could make a difference by bringing music into the lives of young people who might not have access to music education. For Sarah, music is a gift. It is a powerful fire that can ignite passion and energy.


I wish I could find a way to do something for others the way she did instead of feeling so powerless...

So I donated money to the school in honor of my Grandma, Jane Kimball Lamb, who truly inspires me and who taught me the love and magic of music with her gifts and love of the violin.



Sarah McLachlan's "Angel"


This song has lifted me and also reminded me of my dear cousin who had an addiction to meth. I always thought of her and prayed for her to find peace. When it was played at her funeral I cried. This was her song, but now it is too my song. Angels were with me and took me away from the excruciating pain and fear for just a little while until I was ready to come back.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Fully Alive...

 "Fully Alive" by Flyleaf

I changed the words a little.


Telling MY story spoken
About how my heart is broken
Hammers fall on all the pieces
Nine months in the cover creases








Fully Alive
More than most, ready to smile and love life
Fully Alive now I know how to believe in futures


 All their complaints shrink to nothing
Their ashamed of all their somethings
I'm so glad for one day of comfort
Only because I has suffered



Fully Alive
More than most, ready to smile and love life
Fully Alive now I know how to believe in futures






 Here I stand today
In my brilliant shining way
Stronger than my pain
In my brilliant shining way


 Fully Alive
More than most, ready to smile and love life
Fully Alive now I know how to believe in futures








 Fully Alive
More than most, ready to smile and love life
Fully Alive now I know how to believe in Jesus








Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Sweetest Gift...

I just saw that my relative Debbi, who has a heart condition also, had done this for me and sent a picture through facebook. 

It brought tears to my eyes and big smile. 

Thank you so much Debbi!!! 

I am a heart failure and stroke survivor! 

I will pay it forward...

There are so many people who suffer from diseases and conditions.

So many do not and can not understand what it is like, but it only takes a moment of kindness and compassion to change that.

I know people with heart disease, cancer, diabetes, MS, and together, we can make a difference!

I challenge all of you...be the difference you want to see in the world by helping those who are in need!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Words I can't seem to say...

 A very sweet young lady told me about this song and how she thought about how it relates to me. That someone can understand a little of what I am feeling was comforting. I am feeling hopeful that I will be able to accept that this isn't a punishment and there is a purpose bigger than me.

"Pale"
 by Within Temptation

The world seems not the same
Though I know nothing has changed
It's all my state of mind
I can't leave it all behind
I have to stand up to be stronger

[Chorus:]
I have to try
To break free
From the thoughts in my mind
Use the time that I have
I can say goodbye
Have to make it right
Have to fight
'Cause I know in the end it's worthwhile
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away
It will be all right

I know
I should realize
Time is precious
It is worthwhile
Despite how I feel inside
Have to trust it'll be alright
Have to stand up to be stronger

[Chorus]

Oh, this night is too long
Have no strength to go on
No more pain I'm floating away

Through the mist I see the face
Of an angel, calls my name
I remember you're the reason I have to stay

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Beauty in nature...

This was made from the salt in a parking lot. How strange and wonderful is that?
Except for the cigarette, I love the colors of the water meter. It is totally me-ish.
I looked out the window to see the beautiful patterns of frost. How many times have I not bothered to look at how beautiful winter can be?


Saturday, February 16, 2013

Valentine's Day...


Alisha wanted to make cupcakes for her friends and us for V-Day. 
Taisha helped.
Look how cute they turned out.
Taisha practiced and ended up doing a great job.
Amazing girls! I love you so much.
 
I asked on facebook for someone who loved me to buy me these. So Autumn of course, being the best sister ever, surprised me with a bag. :)
 Then Austin called us the day before and told us his plans for V-day. He was so cute and prepared. And...Autumn had NO idea. We babysat that night and had such fun with the girls.

Then I recorded this funny video. Only Alisha and Auctober knew. 
It cracks us all up when we watch it.
I bought Auctober a candy necklace.
Alisha is he favorite today though.


Then we fed Aunya. It's harder now because she has a tooth and you can't get the spoon back out of her mouth. What a cutie though.


McKenna got the Reese's from Brandon and a card she won't let us read.
Taisha got this letter above and the cookie and roses below from her Brandon. We got to read it and it was AMAZING. A long love letter that melted even my heart.

I got Valetine's from Kenny at work. He is so sweet.
 And of course my sweet Rebecca M. gave everyone one of these. I just love her.

I had little money so I bought cheap pizza and gave the kids treats.

It was a good day even though I am not a huge fan of this day.