My Memories...

Today is my uncle's memorial service.

I new he was sick, the cancer was finally winning. At Christmas, he looked so frail and could barely hold his grandson. It was heartbreaking, but he had a huge smile while looking at his grandson Josh. You couldn't help but smile too.

My kids didn't really get to know Bryan. He was a little anti social and truth be told, an alcoholic. Not that that defined him, but his moods were unpredictable. I liked him when he was really drunk because he was super nice. Not the right thing to say, but it was the only time he told me he loved me.

He was lost...

He got married when I was about 11 and ended up with a step daughter Angela and later went on to have Savannah and Dallas. Savannah and Dallas were both born early and sadly, Dallas didn't make it. It was a big deal to have a son in the Nilsson family, and Bryan mourned for his son. Every memorial day, he got out the pictures of the sweet baby and was sad, but yet loving.

I only share this private info so my kids will know a little about this mysterious uncle. 

I loved him and am so saddened he didn't get to see his grandson grow up.

The Nilsson family has lost 4 people in the last 3 years. It is a little hard for me to take. We were a family that was held together by the most amazing woman, and when she passed, we all try to hold it together, but it is so much harder. It seems we only see each other at funerals. 

I don't like change. I still am trying to recover from losing our dear friend and my cousin last year. It is so hard.

I wanted 2012 to be free of death...time to adjust, but that is not what is meant to be.