Father's Day...

So, at 1am, I got up to use the bathroom, when everything went white. I tried to make it to the chair in my room, but somehow ended up crashing to the floor, hitting my face on the heater vent. I am bruised, swollen and bled a little. Danny was not in our room. Alisha had fallen asleep on his side of the bed so he went to the couch.

Alisha started yelling for help and Danny ran in along with McKenna. I was so mad that he wasn't here when I needed him and we fought.

In the end, I cried telling him I was sorry. I just hate not being in control of myself and he apologized too. He has been through a lot too. He cuddled me the rest of the night so I would know I was not alone. I love him so much.

This is how we started Father's Day....

Then about 7am, we hear his truck unlocking, starting....

He jumped out of bed to see the kids smiling and waving as they drove away.

They came back with McDonalds for their bestest Dad. (I was a little jealous because I spent Mother's Day in a coma).

I thought it was so cute. We had not all been together to plan something. McKenna and Taisha went on the Trek with the stake. They both complained, but had a good time. More on that later....

Danny then, made me breakfast, how sad it is that he still had to take care of me, but I was really dizzy for some reason and he wouldn't let me  walk without help. My face looked bad, but was less swollen.

Then we went on my favorite drive, but I was so sick I didn't get to enjoy it. I hope I didn't ruin it for Danny and the kids. We then came home and Danny put me to bed. I slept for three hours and then he woke me up to go to his mom's for dinner.

....I didn't even take one picture of him and the kids.

Life is short. I know this but I still don't take pictures.

I wonder if I will ever again? I have lost so much of who I am.

What happens immediately after a trauma?

Immediately after a traumatic event, it is common for people to feel shocked, or numb, or unable to accept what has happened.

Shock - when in shock you feel:

• stunned or dazed or numb
• cut off from your feelings, or from what is going on around you.

Confussion -  At first you may feel confused and have memory loss about what happened and the weeks leading up to the event. It is hard to process and understand. Other people may think that you are being strong or that you don't care about what has happened.

 

Over several hours or days, the feelings of shock and denial gradually fade, and other thoughts and feelings take their place.

What happens next?

People react differently and take different amounts of time to come to terms with what has happened. Even so, you may be surprised by the strength of your feelings. It is normal to experience a mix of feelings. You may feel:

• Frightened … that the same thing will happen again, or that you might lose control of your feelings and break down.

• Helpless … that something really bad happened and you could do nothing about it. You feel helpless, vulnerable and overwhelmed.

• Angry … about what has happened and with whoever was responsible.

• Guilty … that you have survived when others have suffered or died. You may feel that you could have done something to prevent it.

• Sad … at the loss of the life you had. It takes time to recover mentally and physically and there may be changes to your life that make you mourn the life you had.

• Ashamed or embarrassed … that you have these strong feelings you can't control, especially if you need others to support you.

 This one below I can't feel yet.

• Hopeful … that your life will return to normal. People can start to feel more positive about things quite soon after a trauma.