IN THE FACE OF UNCERTAINTY...

~ The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers. ~ 

We have been living in a situation that causes Danny and I to want to flee to somewhere where it is always sunny...happy...and constant.

Their is no place.


For so many years Danny has fought to be successful and provide for his family. He also looked out for his employees. He still has employees show up at our house and thank Danny for being the best boss they have ever had. A lot of them even apologize and tell him they didn't know how good they had it.


So...


When will I be able to wake up without the feeling of dread and that ever so constant knot in my stomach?


When will we both feel like we are worth something.


When will we stop feeling like we are failures to our children?


Why are they being punished because of us?


I have spent many hours fretting and hiding in my little closet...literally...laying on the floor...not having the strength to shed a tear...just laying there unable to move, like the ground was a the strongest magnet, for hours.




Pathetic?


We already know the answer to that one.


Lately, however...


I have been pretty happy. I still have fear and anxiety, but I can laugh. 


I seriously thought I would never feel joy and have the ability to REALLY smile, let alone laugh.


I know I am stronger. I don't know what the next hour will bring, but I will keep fighting this battle that has thus far been never ending. I have felt the love from my Heavenly Father and felt the joyous miracles that he has given me...


I know he won't make things picture perfect for me, because that is not what life is about. He wants me to find my way and over come adversity.


And I will keep trying. I will not give up and lay in the closet again, unless for some odd reason I pass out there. 

How interesting...Bon Jovi is singing about how you have to keep the faith...Little whispers...