I have been so tired and achy lately.
I know it has to do with stress and the three funerals this month. I am having a hard time with this.
Knowing that when life throws you down, and you are looking up at the sky knowing you lost this battle...I know I have to still go through the rest and GET UP! I may have been knocked down, but I will get back up and keep fighting the rocky uphill battle.
But sometimes, I just NEED to sneak away, lose myself in a good book, and forget it ALL!
I wish I had a secret room...
One that NO ONE knew about,
...or a secret garden.
Of course the garden would be full of lavender to help sooth my soul and the anxiety that is always raging inside.
A place to escape to that I could, think, relax, pray, cry, scream, talk to myself (oh wait...I do this all the time when I am alone. No I am not crazy, well maybe a little)
But there is also a part of me that can't stand to be away from my family. It has been 24 days since we lost our dear friend...
At first I didn't notice that I had to hold on to Danny.
I mean literally.
I had to be touching or holding on to some part of him, mostly his shirt, like it was my blankie and I was 2 years old. When I started noticing it, I felt guilty.
I didn't lose a husband, father, son.
But...I realized how much we worry about silly things like Disneyland, expensive vacations when all you need is to take each moment and treasure it. When it is raining...dance in it with your kids.
My niece posted about this very thing.
It's funny how I have been thinking about this all month.
I think about the time the kids and I got out nerf guns and ran around the yard shooting eachother, or the time at the Sand Dunes, that the Pearts, Attwoods were camping and the kids and of course, us three crazy moms got into a huge water fight. It was right before we went home. It was so FUN! Two of the hubby's were a little annoyed, but Danny would have joined us, but he didn't want to be sandy and wet for the ride home. Their loss!
Sometimes it feels so good to let loose and be a child again. To forget the "grown up rules" and LIVE!
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