Preference...

 McKenna asked ? because her dad made a stupid rule, in my opinion, that she can't date the same guy two times in a row. 

So...

 Ashley asked Brandon, McKenna's "unofficial" boyfriend. They all went together. It is weird not seeing her stand by the right boy though.

 I also had to take pictures of the pictures because I don't have a scanner.

Cut...

"Cut" by Plumb

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile frame aged
With misery
And when our eyes meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut


I LOVE THIS SONG, NOT ONLY IS IT BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT SAYS SO MUCH ABOUT ME. SHE IS AN AMAZING CHRISTIAN SINGER AND I HAVE POSTED ABOUT ANOTHER OF HER SONGS.

I KNOW NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH, BUT ONE THING I KNOW IS "I AM NOT ALONE"
HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN WITH ME,
AND I MIGHT NOT KNOW HOW TO HEAL EMOTIONALLY YET,
BUT HE HAS A REASON FOR ALL OF THIS. 

Something On My Bucket List...

Lantern Colors and Their Meanings:

 

• Red: Good fortune
• Pink: Romance
• Peach-red: Decisions and opportunities
• Orange: Money
• Yellow: Success in school and/or job
• White: Health
• Light Green: Growth
• Light Blue: Hoping something comes true
• Light Purple: Idealism

Sunday Feb 10th is the Chinese New Year and there is going to be a group of 200 or more people letting off Chinese Lanterns over Utah Lake. I am so going to be there! This is one of my bucket list items! The colors above may or may not be right, but I say release your wishes. We all know I am battling between white and red.

Maybe just a personal thank you for me being alive.

I need to do this soon.

Rusty Treasures...

I got this metal basket for a steal. I wasn't sure and still am not sure what to do with it. The other day I put these bottles in it and put it on the kitchen table...Boy I really have not taste in decorating. Hahaha

Alisha's Christmas Concert in January...

Madrigals

 Sage, Ashley and Alisha.

Alisha tried out for the Madrigals and was so excited when she made it last year. They were told by there teacher that they were the best singers she has ever had!

Plumb - Hang On (Original Version)

I heard this song for the first time today by  PLUMB. It's called HANG ON.

This song explains what I went through. I sure hung on.

"Hang On"

By PLUMB

I'm so stubborn, it's how I got here
So alone, feels like forever
Wanna swim away and breath the open air
But I feel so afraid, then I hear you say

Hang on when the water is rising
Hang on when the waves are crashing
Hang on, just don't ever let go

I'm so hungry, how can I stay here?
Starving for what I hold so dear
Like a hurricane it takes everything from me
Wake me from this dream

Hang on when the water is rising
Hang on when the waves are crashing
Hang on, just don't ever let go

Hang on when you are barely breathing
Hang on when your heart's still beating
Hang on, just don't ever let go

Three days, thirty years
So hopeless, doesn't matter
Don't say it's too late if you blink your eyes
The sun is rising, the sun is rising, oh

Hang on when the water is rising
Hang on when the waves are crashing
Hang on, just don't ever let go

Hang on when you're barely breathing
Hang on when your heart's still beating
Hang on, just don't ever let go

12 Degree Snowmobiling...

  Me! I love snowmobiling! Especially with the Atwoods!

 I love Erica!

 I love my sexy man!

 I still love iPhones all though they don't take the greatest pictures.

 I love that we couldn't seem to get Erica in the picture and laughed a lot!

 I love that Erica is in it, but my I look like I am falling asleep, 

or enjoying cuddling with Scott. LOL

Four freezing but fun snowmobilers :)

 Scott and I.

I love my frozen face guard...NOT We couldn't see a thing, but it was still fun. And that late at night in that cold, my left arm and leg didn't seem to want to hold on (Need to build up more muscle on that weaker side and relearn to use it better.) Scarier that usual. I prayed a lot and didn't fall off totally. My Sexy Man always catches me when I fall. He is my true life super hero!    :)

I don't recommend late night fun.12 degrees and falling is just to damn cold..

 Day time is a lot warmer and you can see the beauty around you!

TNT Competition...

 They did a great job, but they came in second which was sad. Keep practicing!

Aunya makes everyone happy. Skyler kind of felt bad that he made a few mistakes. She made him smile again.

 Danny and I.

 Autumn looks a little prim and proper LOL

 Cutie pie.

 Austin is weird. His girls also adore him.

 Love this one!

Grandma and Grandpa H. watching the cheer, well Grandma was waiting to watch Skyler's team.

Skyler, I love you and you amaze me everyday!

Bruins...

Isn't Skyler so handsome! He is  on the bottom row far right.

Gingerbread Midway...

So...Alisha and I were working on this puzzle, when I happened to drive through Midway, and was shocked to see the exact houses still there. You can match them to the puzzle. It was so exciting. I couldn't wait to show Alisha.

Christmas with love...

The beginning of January I was a little antsy, McKenna said her Christmas present for me would be coming around then.

So...

When it came I waited for her to come home and open it. I was so touched by the thoughtful gift. She personalized M&M's with an old picture of us and I love you :)

I will never eat them and always treasure her thoughtfulness.

Thank you McKenna!

2012...

I admit that this last year was...

Surreal.

The years before that were full of hardships and broken dreams and hearts. But nothing compared to this year...

I guess you could say that I have two separate feelings about this year. The before and after. Or the dream and nightmare.

Everything before was great and fun, yet there was a feeling of...

I don't feel right.

I went to the doctor to tell him about my irregular heart beat getting worse and he did an E.K.G. and found that I was fine even though the nurse said there is definitely some concerns. So when he told me I was okay I was frustrated. I was gaining weight like crazy and NEVER felt good. He told me it was my anxiety, which is true also, but it was my heart.

So like the Carrie Underwood song:

 Jesus Take the Wheel

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Oh I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it take it from me
Oh 

I prayed and handed it over to my Heavenly Father  and said "You are the only one that can save me. It seems I can't get people to listen to me, so I am helpless and will accept your will. I am not afraid. Please help me fix this problem."

The Answer: He will, but it won't be easy.

January:

February:

 March:

April:

 May:Miracles

My long hospital stay and surgeries,

Bryan my angel.

McKenna's 16th Birthday Party that I started planning, but didn't get to finish or attend. Thank you Marnae and Dennis D.J. party! Also thank you for your support for McKenna and to my truely amazing mother in law!

My new life of lots of pills and blood pressure and weight watching with a splattering of doctor appointments and tests. It is now getting a little easier and more alien feeling.

June:

Birth of our angel Aunya!

 July:

Sommers' Family Reunion!

Family together for 4th of July!

August:

Alisha's 13th Birthday!

 September:

Cheer Muscle Skyler!

Brandon and McKenna ready for Homecoming Dance!

Skyler and fellow cheerleader Maddie all ready for Homecoming Dance!

Go Quary team!
October:

Family time in the fall.

Tradition at Gardner's Village to see the Witches!

Scary Skyler on his 18th birthday.

My kids and Autumn's + Laurel, Taisha's friend.

Alisha and her friends on Halloween.

3rd place in bouldering!

November:

Thanksgiving-a dream come true!

 

December:

Christmas Eve

Taisha's 15th Birthday. Watch out people on the road!