A Sommers Day...: 2012...

I admit that this last year was...

Surreal.

The years before that were full of hardships and broken dreams and hearts. But nothing compared to this year...

I guess you could say that I have two separate feelings about this year. The before and after. Or the dream and nightmare.

Everything before was great and fun, yet there was a feeling of...

I don't feel right.

I went to the doctor to tell him about my irregular heart beat getting worse and he did an E.K.G. and found that I was fine even though the nurse said there is definitely some concerns. So when he told me I was okay I was frustrated. I was gaining weight like crazy and NEVER felt good. He told me it was my anxiety, which is true also, but it was my heart.

So like the Carrie Underwood song:

Jesus Take the Wheel

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Oh I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it take it from me
Oh

I prayed and handed it over to my Heavenly Father and said "You are the only one that can save me. It seems I can't get people to listen to me, so I am helpless and will accept your will. I am not afraid. Please help me fix this problem."

The Answer: He will, but it won't be easy.

January:

February:

March:

April:

May:Miracles

My long hospital stay and surgeries,

Bryan my angel.

McKenna's 16th Birthday Party that I started planning, but didn't get to finish or attend. Thank you Marnae and Dennis D.J. party! Also thank you for your support for McKenna and to my truely amazing mother in law!

My new life of lots of pills and blood pressure and weight watching with a splattering of doctor appointments and tests. It is now getting a little easier and more alien feeling.

June: